What helps us feel connected when we meet online?

Are you tired of running meetings online where people seem to be disconnected from each other, disconnected from the discussion?

How can you to build a feeling of being together when you’re online?

Maybe you’ve given up hope of feeling energised in a virtual meeting. I’d like to tell you how you can transform meetings, and help people to be at their best, by creating an environment grounded in Ten Components (Attention, Equality, Ease, Appreciation, Encouragement, Feelings, Information, Difference, Incisive Questions, and Place). Before we explore these, take a moment to consider what frustrates you in meetings, what happens that’s not ideal, what do you wish could be different.

Does it frustrate you to be in a meeting where your time is wasted? The agenda is long and full of information yet there isn’t enough time for discussion, the time is taken up with broadcasting information with little opportunity to consider it or to offer input.

What does that say about the meeting’s purpose? If the purpose of bringing people together is to engage them on an issue or to work on a plan or to solve a problem, the most effective way for them to absorb the information and be engaged is to have time to think about it, to discuss it. The practices of a Thinking Environment can help you do this in a time-efficient way, by creating certain conditions and giving people boundaried time to think on key questions.

Why do some people seem “switched off” in meetings, and look like they aren’t paying attention?

This can happen when people feel they won’t be listened to or that what they want to say doesn’t matter. Not having an opportunity to express your thinking can lead people to switch off, to disengage. Have you even been at a meeting where you felt there was something important to say, something that needed to be flagged, but either you weren’t given a chance to speak or even when you did speak, your input was dismissed. You didn’t feel heard, your thinking didn’t seem to matter.

Another reason that people disengage or feel no connection is if they believe the topic under discussion has already been decided outside of the meeting and that any contribution they make won’t be valued or regarded as relevant.

Why do some people stay silent?

As well as “switching off” because they’re disengaged, people may also hold back from contributing if they see colleagues behaving competitively or being negative or critical of each other. They may keep their view to themselves or not risk offering information they have, or an idea they’ve come up with, because they fear they’ll be judged or ridiculed.

As Nancy Kline ( founder of Time to Think Ltd) observed, the way people treat each other affects the quality of their thinking.‍ ‍

It can also affect people’s confidence about contributing, it can cause them to be wary of joining the discussion. Their inhibition can be heightened if they feel that they have a perspective that’s different to others and won’t be welcome or may lead to conflict.

Unhelpful behaviours in meetings can lead to unhealthy conflict, rather than constructive debate. It can limit the discussion as people hold back on sharing ideas and insights. Not having the best thinking of everyone in the room leads to weaker decision-making and poorer outcomes.

You’ve probably been in meetings where louder voices crowd out others, monopolising the time available so that quieter people don’t get heard. When someone is silent, it could be because they’re reflecting on what to say, they’re thinking before they speak. One way to counter this problem is to let people know in advance the key questions you want to focus on so that they can consider the question and start thinking beforehand. Knowing the questions that will be discussed can help people feel more at ease and not feel under pressure when the discussion starts.

Creating a Thinking Environment is the way to create a “place” online where everyone feels their contribution matters, and where they’ll feel encouraged rather than inhibited. By making an explicit commitment to meeting behaviours grounded in ease and equality, it can build people’s confidence and courage about speaking up. When people feel respected and appreciated by colleagues, it enables them to generate, and share, their best and freshest thinking.

How can you create a “place” online, where people feel more connected when they meet?

You can create a meeting where people feel more connected if you set up the right conditions, so that everyone in the online room feels they matter. When people feel that they matter and that their thinking matters, it will enhance the quality and the productivity of the meeting. Making this commitment to helpful behaviours is even more important in an online setting, where people can have added challenges of their tech set-up or distractions in their “place” or “room”.

Introducing more helpful behaviours will build trust, strengthen relationships and will lead to better outcomes for everyone.

On my Transforming Meetings Programme, you can experience ways to enable people think well together and ways to make meetings more dynamic and effective.

What can you do to create a sense of connection?

By using the Thinking Environment ® approach, it will help you create a sense of connection and engagement in meetings.

Nancy Kline (founder of Time To Think Ltd), observed that “The quality of our thinking depends on the way we treat each other while we are thinking”. This observation has led to the discovery of certain key behaviours that help us be at our best in meetings, and that lead to more collaborative and creative problem-solving in a team.

The behaviours, known as the Ten Components, are Attention, Equality, Ease, Appreciation, Encouragement, Feelings, Information, Difference, Incisive Questions, and Place.

How does this work?

When you apply the principles and practices of a Thinking Environment to a meeting, people are encouraged to pay attention and listen with interest to each other; equal time is assigned so that everyone has equal opportunity to contribute and different perspectives are welcomed. Designing an agenda with questions that serve the outcome you need from the meeting will focus people’s attention and their thinking. Allocating boundaried time for people to participate will help you make better use of time.

On my Foundation Course, you can learn how to use this approach to make your interactions and meetings more effective. Working in this way helps bring energy into meetings, it can drive discovery and light the spark of innovation. It can unlock everyone’s thinking so that you can produce better results and make better decisions.

When a team works in this way, it builds trust and shared understanding, and a commitment to a common purpose.

While the team can focus on a common purpose, you can also unlock the value of diverse perspectives around your virtual table. Diversity of thinking can expand your choices and help you and the team see possibilities you may have overlooked. Listening to each other’s different ideas and insights can spark fresh thinking and build the team’s capacity for innovation and creativity.

What can happen at meetings when everyone really listens to each other?

You may think it’s challenging to make time to listen to everyone in the meeting. What would happen if everyone in the meeting was given equal time (even a minute or two) to answer a focussed question on the agenda?

Uninterrupted time.

For everyone to input.

For everyone to listen well to each other.

Have you ever considered what kind of a listener you are? We have probably all been guilty at some time of half-listening: preparing to make our own contribution, believing we are paying attention while our attention is on what we will say next.

Have you found yourself not really listening, as you wait for the person to finish so that you can speak? Or maybe you’re preparing to interrupt, ready to help them finish what they’re saying. You may even think that finishing their sentence is encouraging them.

Maybe you think that’s an efficient way to manage limited time, especially when time is precious.

And, after all, you have something to say. Something you want others to hear. You’d like them to listen to you properly, not just wait for you to finish so that they can start talking. You’d like their attention.

So how can we provide that respectful attention to others, the attention we hope we will receive when it’s our turn to speak?

What if time was allocated equally to everyone? It would mean you’d know you’ll have your turn to speak and that you could listen to others with interest, instead of listening to interrupt or reply.

What if people were encouraged to listen to understand, not to compete?

As well as being respectful and encouraging of your colleague, you may be surprised at what can happen for you as a listener when you listen with interest.

When you listen with interest, it can spark an idea for you or provoke fresh thinking. It might lead you to see the issue or question from a different angle and shift your perspective.

It could prompt discovery of an insight or a solution.

It could help you understand them better.

It could help you feel connected.

What happens when we promise not to interrupt?

When people are at ease, their brains perform better. Neuroscience bears this out. The attention we give others as we listen can help them think better, it can ignite their thinking.

When you are trying to figure something out or unravel a problem, have you noticed that sometimes you need to hear what you’re thinking to be clear about what to do?

Have you noticed what happens when you think through a problem, in the presence of someone who is genuinely interested, someone who is really paying attention to you and not trying to solve the problem for you or tell you what to do?

You may have found that when the person listening doesn’t interrupt you, you can follow your thoughts and go further, you can reach an insight or discover an answer you were searching for. And because you thought of it yourself, you feel more confident about taking the next steps, you’ll be clearer about what to do.

What if you could encourage everyone’s independent thinking in a meeting?

Where could that lead?

Encouraging people to think for themselves can lead to creative and confident thinking. When we think for ourselves, we can find insights, answers, and solutions. And we feel empowered.

Thinking well collectively can bring about positive change. When people have the opportunity to be heard and feel involved in solving a problem, they will be more engaged and accountable. It builds a sense of ownership and responsibility for what comes next.

Encouraging independent thinking helps a team avoid the conformity that could lead to ‘group think’. By creating a way of working where team members feel free to think differently from the rest of the group and share their thinking, they can feel psychologically safe and therefore be more inclined to call out problems, or to admit mistakes and learn from failure.

When independent thinking and diverse views are valued, it encourages people to speak up and to have respectful discussion instead of unhealthy conflict.

When a team learns the skills and behaviours of the Thinking Environment, it can lead to a way of collaborating that is dynamic and productive, and lead to the team making better decisions,

How can you make this happen, how can I change my meetings?

If you want online meetings where the team listen to each other’s perspectives and feel connected, if you want to generate fresh collective thinking, and have meetings that are dynamic and effective, let’s talk about how I can help.

If you want to stop being frustrated by unproductive interactions and meetings and make more effective use of time, the Thinking Environment can transform your meetings.

If you want to focus on the questions that matter, so you make better team decisions and have a more coherent and structured approach to delivering on your strategy, get in touch.