What one thing could you start doing, that would make a difference to your team?

Something simple, that requires very little time or effort.

Something that gives something to others yet costs you nothing.

 Maybe you’ve heard about it before.  It’s called Appreciation.

 You may be thinking, “I already appreciate people. They know I do”.  Let me invite you to think about that for a moment.

When you let others know you appreciate them, does it tend to be about their work, a project completed, a deadline met?

I’d like share with you something different you could do, that can make a big difference. You could let the person know that you appreciate a quality you’ve seen in them.  Maybe you’ve noticed how resilient they are or how supportive they are of other colleagues. Maybe you appreciate their commitment. Or enjoy their sense of humour.  

Appreciating someone in this way, noticing a quality you admire in them, is different from offering feedback on a task or a project. You’re appreciating, admiring, what you see in them, and you’re telling them.  

There is no need to make a big public announcement. It can be done quietly. Keep it simple and sincere.

You might like to try this out next time you’re in conversation with someone you admire. As the conversation draws to a close, you could say that you want to let them know how much you admire their….whatever quality you’ve noticed. There’s no need to explain why you admire them, or to justify why you’re saying it. Keep it simple, keep it to a word or two.

Trust me, it will have an impact even if it is very brief.  They’ll hear what you say you admire, without the need for you to explain it.

Be sincere.  And see what happens.

What difference does it make?

When you appreciate someone, they feel “seen”, noticed.

When people feel appreciated, it encourages them.

When they feel respected, it motivates them.

It builds their confidence, and self-esteem.

It makes them feel better.

And it will help them think better.

If you’re lucky, you work with people whom you admire and appreciate. Whether leading a team or engaging with colleagues, you may often be impressed by the quality of people’s work, and all they achieve.

You probably thank people regularly, telling them you’re grateful for all they’ve done. What I’m inviting you to do is to build on that, to start appreciating people when you notice a unique quality in them. Noticing what you admire and saying it. When you observe it.

What difference could it make for them? What difference would it make for you?

What might be stopping you from doing this?  

Sometimes we assume that people know we appreciate them and we reckon we’re too busy to waste time on it. Or we might not bother because it’d feel strange or uncomfortable to start offering words of appreciation

Let me offer you another way to look at it, a different perspective.

It won’t take you long to offer a word or two of appreciation to someone. It doesn’t require an explanation. What matters is being specific and timely, and succinct. Yes, it may feel different or strange at first, but you’ll soon get the hang of it. You’ll find you enjoy doing it. It’s like giving a gift.

And just like when we receive a gift, the best way to respond when someone appreciates you is to simply say “Thank You”.

And as for the person already knowing you appreciate them, how could they know what you admire about them, or the quality you’ve noticed, if you haven’t said it to them? Imagine what could change for them, and for you, if you told them?

Try it and see what happens. Be sincere. No need to embellish it. No need to gift wrap it.

And notice the difference it can make to someone.

When I work with teams, showing them how they can create a Thinking Environment, appreciation is one of the Ten Components we talk about. In my Transforming Meetings Programme , you can learn how to create conditions in which people have more productive discussions, and access each other’s best thinking. building their capacity to be more collaborative and innovative.

If you’d like your team to experience and develop these skills, talk to me..

What difference can it make for you, if you start appreciating people?

Building appreciation into your interactions will help create an atmosphere of psychological safety for others. When people have a sense of safety, they are more likely to admit to mistakes and more inclined to learn from failure. When they feel free from judgement, they are more likely to take risks, which can build a culture of innovation.

Creating a team culture where people feel heard and understood builds stronger working relationships and connections. Introducing an appreciative way of being with each other can become contagious. Team members may start noticing what they admire in each other, and appreciation can become part of the working culture.  When people shift towards positive appreciation, with less focus on what is negative, it builds understanding and strengthens the levels of trust in relationships. Having more trust in relationships creates a stronger foundation for working together and can help with conversations, such as performance conversations.

What is it that causes people to dread performance conversations?

What can make them uncomfortable or unsatisfactory experiences?

Organisations often have their own approach to how performance is managed, linked to Business Plan models, with objectives and targets. Being clear about organisational goals and linking them to team and personal objectives helps people understand the part they play in the organisation’s success.  

I’m not suggesting that a word or two of appreciation could or should replace performance conversations. What is possible, though, is to appreciate people regularly throughout the year, as you notice something good they’ve done, so that you build a foundation of trust and respect for other more structured conversations.  

Is there anything else that could help improve Performance Conversations?
We have all probably experienced at some stage, either as a manager or as an employee, a performance conversation where we were unhappy with the experience or the outcome.  There are lots of reasons for this. The discomfort or unease could come from the atmosphere in the meeting, the way it was set up, it may feel as if a box is being ticked. A performance conversation can be challenging because of the content covered. There might be tension in the room because of how the feedback is communicated or responded to. Maybe it seems rushed, with no time for meaningful discussion, without space for reflection and learning.

What could you change that might lead to better outcomes? 

The Ten Components of a Thinking Environment include conditions (as well as Appreciation) that could make a difference to these conversations. If you’re planning to meet someone for a performance conversation, thinking in advance about conditions like Place, Ease, and Attention will improve your chance of a successful outcome.

Where will conversation take place? Will it be at a time and in a place where both participants feel at ease, where confidentiality is assured?  Can you ensure there will be no distractions or interruptions from others, from phone and texts?

If the conversation will take place online, are there any technical challenges to take account of ?

Can you set up the meeting so that you can give the person your undivided attention? An effective way to let someone know you’re paying attention and listening to them well is through your eye contact. Even if you’re meeting online, try and maintain eye contact so they can see that you’re paying attention, that you’re listening with interest.

How could you make it an easeful experience, where neither of you feels rushed?

Even if there are time constraints, can you factor in time to ask questions and to listen well, and time to reflect?

Can you allow time for them to think and respond to your questions without feeling the need to evaluate or judge what they’re saying as you’re listening? By listening well, and not interrupting the person as they talk, you’ll be giving them a better opportunity to think about their performance and their potential for development. We often gain insights as we hear ourselves say what we think, especially when we are not interrupted and we can finish our train of thought.  

Consider beforehand if you are making any assumptions about what they will say or how they will react during the conversation. Question your own assumptions; they may not always be true.  

Open the conversation by acknowledging what’s gone well and what you appreciate in them.

You could then ask what they think of their own performance, what they are most pleased about or most proud of.

Asking questions can create a different atmosphere, and inviting someone to answer a question can help focus their attention  

As Nancy Kline has said, “the mind works best in the presence of a question”. Responding to a question can help us gain insights and learn. And from learning can come our growth and development.

If you can create an easeful environment for a performance conversation, it will improve your chances of a successful outcome.

When people feel criticised or under pressure, or are fearful, they think less clearly. Brain science tells us that the brain reacts to feelings of fear or threat, as the amygdala is hijacked, and it causes us to think less well. When we are at ease, we’re more likely to think well, to think creatively, to shift our perspective, to learn.  When people feel safe, they will be more likely to talk about what needs to improve, or areas for growth and development.

Having conversations where people know you’re genuinely interested, will help you discover more. By listening well, you can inspire and encourage them. By appreciating them, you can build their energy and enthusiasm. And by appreciating people throughout the year, as you notice what’s good, you’ll be encouraging them to build on the qualities you admire

If you’d like to learn more about developing these skills for you and your team, get in touch.