The superpower every leader needs: listening to empower
You’re a good listener. You know how important it is to listen well, to pay attention.
As you listen to someone, do you find yourself thinking about what you’ll say when they’ve finished speaking? You may be considering “how can I help, what can I suggest as a solution?” You’re hearing them but you’re not really listening.
I realised how often I did that, when I first encountered the Thinking Environment. Discovering that led me to learn more about the power of generative attention, and to learn how to listen in a different way.
Would you like to empower others through the quality of your attention? Giving generative attention is a greater gift than anything you could offer as a response. It’s a more powerful way to help and support someone. By giving attention that is profoundly encouraging, you can restore someone’s power to think for themselves, to find their own answers, to discover their own truth.
If you’re in a leadership role, do others expect you to have all the answers? People often come to you for help, because of your expertise. As someone outlines a problem, is your first instinct to respond with an answer? Are you tempted to take on the problem yourself? Often our conditioning leads us to listen with our attention on how to reply, ready to diagnose, to solve the problem.
Real leadership is demonstrated when we generate the finest thinking of others.
Are you interested in enabling others to solve problems for themselves?
Would you like to learn how you can build people’s confidence, by listening in a way that has a lasting effect? I’d like to share with you how creating a Thinking Environment will enable you to do that.
How does the way we are treated affect our thinking?
In her groundbreaking work, Nancy Kline (founder of Time to Think Ltd) observed that “the single most important factor in whether people can think for themselves well, is how they are being treated by the people with them when they are thinking”.
You’ve probably noticed that. You know how it feels when someone isn’t really listening to you, when their attention is elsewhere. Or how it feels when you sense you’re being judged or criticised by the person listening to you.
Cast your mind back to a time you wanted to think something through. Maybe you were trying to figure something out, make sense of it, you wanted to untangle a problem. You wanted to talk it through with a friend but as they were listening, you could feel they were getting ready to tell you what they thought. They were more focussed on what they wanted to say than on what you were saying. Being treated like that can lead you to think more cautiously, to hold back, to limit yourself. Not to think fully.
What’s different about being listened to in a Thinking Environment?
When were you last listened to without judgement? That’s what happens in a Thinking Environment. You’re listened to with interest, with appreciation and encouragement. The listener believes in you and their focus is on inspiring you to do your best thinking.
I was amazed when I first experienced this. Being listened to in this way gave me the space to consider not only what first came into my mind, but to reach into my mind, to go further, to explore possibilities. I noticed assumptions I had been making that were getting in my way. Because I could think in the presence of someone silently encouraging me, the mist cleared and I saw things more clearly. As I figured things out, the listener’s silent encouragement helped me feel more confident about what I could do, about the possibilities that I had overlooked, about how to move forward.
When I learned how to listen to someone in this way, I discovered that my presence and attention was a greater catalyst for their thinking than anything I might have said. By resisting the temptation to offer my input and by appreciating their ability to think well for themselves, it liberated them to generate their own insights, their own answers. By not competing with them, they found the courage to find their own answers. I learned that, as Nancy Kline has said:
“the greatest gift you can give someone is the framework in which they can think for themselves”.
How can you create a Thinking Environment?
At the heart of this is the promise not to interrupt, supported by a quality of generative attention enabled by Ten Components. Creating these conditions and embodying the behaviours transforms what happens when people engage with each other. You can have a far greater impact through the quality of your presence and your attention than through what you might say or advise.
As Nancy Kline outlines in “The Promise That Changes Everything: I Won’t Interrupt You” (2020), attention is a catalytic force. Believing in someone’s ability to think well for themselves will lead them to their own insights, and realisations, and will build their courage to move forward, to take the next step, to make progress.
What happens for a Thinker?
What happens if you’re distracted or interrupted as you think? If someone cuts across you when you’re speaking or if they start asking questions or telling you what they think before you’re finished, or if they distract you because of the way they’re behaving.
Distractions and interruptions can trigger the fear centre of your brain, can trigger a threat response. Your “fight/flight/freeze” reaction kicks in, adrenaline and cortisol flood the brain’s prefrontal cortex, shutting down your ability to think well. The term “amygdala hijack” was used by psychologist Daniel Goleman to describe what can happen in the brain as we react to a threat.
In some stressful work environments, the interplay of interruption and reaction can be normalised. If you work in a culture where people operate under pressure or where unhelpful behaviours are tolerated, you may not even realise the impact of this, you may not notice how it impairs the quality of everyone’s thinking. It can cause people to misread information, to misperceive situations. It can limit the depth of discussion and diminish the quality of decisions.
When you create certain conditions, the brain is no longer in a fear state, the limbic system can become calm, and as a result, you’ll think more clearly and creatively, you’ll expand your thinking.
How can you empower someone by listening?
When you give someone your attention, with a promise not to interrupt, you restore their power to think well for themselves. The value of this is not simply because of what they say. It also comes from what happens for them as they hear themselves say it.
As they think, they may realise how they feel about a situation and discover what is really bothering them. Their perspective on a situation might shift as they examine the problem. Thinking something through, without interruption, can lead them to discover something they overlooked or had wrongly assumed, to to realise they need more information about the issue.
Being listened to with encouragement, without judgement, builds self-esteem, builds confidence.
A thinker will be more likely to make progress, to take action, because they arrive at their understanding or decision themselves. Owning the thinking will help them own their decision, and own any steps they want to take next.
What happens in the silence?
One of the most powerful aspects of listening in this way is because of what happens when a thinker pauses or falls silent. They may be silently asking themselves questions, and answering them, or reaching an insight or articulating a question that has occurred to them. This is why it’s vital not to interrupt when someone falls silent. They are not silent in their mind and your interruption to what they are thinking about would prevent them from reaching that insight, that discovery.
I know how tempting it is to fill a silence, I’ve been doing it for years! I know that interrupting someone may be well-intentioned. You might think you’re encouraging them or you want to let them know you understand what they’ve been saying, or that you have information that might help. What I’ve learned is that a thinker who pauses hasn’t necessarily come to the end of their thinking.
I’ve learned that holding back, promising not to interrupt, can be far more powerful form of encouragement than speaking.
It allows the thinker continue, so they reach the insight, voice their question, discover the solution, and to hear themselves say it.
Would you like to try this as an experiment?
Here’s a simple way to put this into practice. When someone comes to you with a problem, if you’re tempted to help or to take on the problem yourself, try this instead. Suggest to them that you try a new approach, invite them to have a few uninterrupted minutes to outline the problem, at the end of which they can ask you a question (if they still want your help or input at that stage).
Agree a set time (say 5 or 10 minutes), explain that this will be uninterrupted time to think and to speak, that you’ll listen with interest and you won’t speak until the time is up. This will be time for them to outline the problem they want your help with, and when the time is up, they can ask you a question. Explain that you’ll be interested in what they say, and promise that you won’t speak, even if they fall silent. Start the time by asking “ What do you want to think about?” Offering this question can help someone start thinking. When you’ve asked the question, sit back and listen with interest, silently appreciating them. Keep your eyes on them in a warm and encouraging way. This will demonstrate you’re paying attention. Trust that by not interrupting them, you’re helping improve the quality of their thinking. Don’t make notes as they speak, it could be a distraction. They can make notes if they like, if there is something they think or say that they capture for themselves.
As you listen, let go of any urge to speak or comment, staying interested in what they’re saying now and what they might say next. If they fall silent during the agreed time, don’t speak. It’s likely they will resume talking after pausing. If they don’t resume, and if they tell you they’re stuck, and there is some time left, you could gently ask “is there anything more?” and see what happens.
If a question or a solution occurs to you as you listen, resist the temptation to speak. Keep your attention on listening to inspire them, and don’t drift into devising a solution. You’ll have your chance to speak after the agreed time. Until then, you don’t know what question they will ask you, or if they will even still want to ask you a question.
When the time is up, ask them “What question do you want to ask me?” and once it has been asked, you can respond.
What did you notice?
What happened for you as you listened, letting go of the need to comment?
What happened for them during the boundaried time they had to think and speak?
What difference did your attention make?
Was the question they asked you at the end the same as the question they brought when they arrived?
How did it feel to let go of the need to comment?
What was good about the experience?
Ask the thinker what they noticed. How did they feel knowing they wouldn’t be interrupted as they outlined the problem?
What did they notice happened at the end, had the question evolved from what the one they initially came to ask you?
Do you want learn more about empowering in this way?
Taking this approach may feel strange at first. If you’d like to learn more and build these skills, join me on my Foundation Course where you can see how you can apply this powerful approach in different settings. You’ll have the opportunity to experience and practice the impact of creating the conditions that enhance thinking and you’ll learn how to apply this approach in groups , in a way that results in more effective use of time and leads to better outcomes.
How can this powerful way of listening benefit a team or a group?
Creating conditions where people interact in a way that generates their best thinking enables them to perform at their best. Introducing this framework builds psychological safety, encourages independent thinking and leads to creative problem solving.
How can you create a safe environment that encourages independent thinking?
Using the Thinking Environment framework and conditions will help you create a non-judgemental place where people feel safe to offer opinions, without fear of ridicule, to speak without feeling they need to agree with everyone else. Where they can have the confidence and courage to articulate their opinions even if they are at variance with others. It’s important to hear what people have to say, even it it seems challenging. They may raise a question about something that has been overlooked or call out a risk. They may have knowledge from experience that enables others to see “if we make this decision, here’s a consequence that we need to plan for”.
If the group or team culture inhibits Independent thinking, people may feel they need to comply or agree, that they need to conform to consensus in their thinking. This sameness of thinking can be a weakness. It can mean people don’t question. The term “Groupthink” was coined by the psychologist Irving Janis in 1970’s, after he researched the factors that can affect team decision-making. The term has been used in relation to disasters where sub-optimal decision-making was identified after the events, such as the Bay of Pigs Invasion or the Challenger space shuttle disaster. Janis described how the drive for consensus being prioritised over individual judgement, led people to avoid disagreement or to ignore questioning views. He found that this leads to catastrophic decision-making as people failed to fully consider alternatives or to gather the information they need to make an informed decision.
If you ever hear people saying “I agree with what everyone else said” or “I don’t think what I have to say is of any value” or “you may not like what I’m going to say”, it can be a sign that you need to encourage more independent thinking.
Offering people questions that encourage them to think for themselves, in a setting where others are non-judgmental and listen with interest can help people move from a cautious and compliant way of working to build their capacity to think for themselves.
Creative Thinking comes from valuing different and independent thinking.
Listening to other people’s different perspectives can spark creative thinking.
Unless you give people the opportunity to offer their own thoughts, from their own knowledge and experience, you won’t fully access the diverse thinking that’s available within a group or team.
While colleagues may have similar backgrounds or roles, everyone sees the world through their own lens. Some of us focus on what is real, others are drawn to imagine what might be. Some people look to the past, reflecting on experiences, whereas others will think about the future, will look to what’s possible. Hearing different views can help us question assumptions, shift perspectives, elevate our thinking. Inviting and valuing different perspectives enriches the exploration of possibilities, of ideas and solutions.
In a world of uncertainty and complexity, where you may be faced with wicked problems, it’s important to access diverse perspectives and creative thinking.
Creating a Thinking Environment is the way to do that.
Why is it important to listen to everyone, to hear all voices?
At the heart of the Thinking Environment is a commitment to equality, a recognition that everyone’s thinking matters. Even in a hierarchy, you can value and appreciate everyone’s thinking equally. Having the best thinking of everyone will inform better decision-making overall. One of the simplest ways to enable this is to structure meetings with equal time for people to contribute, to hear from everyone in the room, not just from those who speak loudest and longest. The Thinking Environment offers techniques so that you can ensure quieter people don’t have to fight to be heard.
When team members listen well to each other, paying respectful attention, it can spark new ideas both for the thinker and for those listening. As people listen to and learn about each other, it builds connection, trust and understanding, and can enable better alignment. People don’t need to always agree with each other. The respectful foundations of a Thinking Environment help you avoid unhealthy conflict and enable constructive and thoughtful disagreement.
As people listen to each other and as they hear themselves express their own thoughts, they may realise they’ve made assumptions about others that aren’t true. It can shift people from working in silos and open up potential for collaboration. As people feel heard and appreciated, they’ll be more engaged and be more likely to step up and take responsibility for actions.
How can you transform your meetings so that you make better decisions?
Everyone wants the best possible results from their team meetings but they don’t always realise that the quality of the group’s decisions and actions depends on the thinking they do together first. Real leadership is about being able to generate the finest thinking of others. When you create a space where people can think well, individually and together, you can enable new ideas and innovative solutions. Using the Building Blocks of this framework will lead to meetings that are structured and time efficient, while also being easeful and inclusive.
Listening is a superpower that every leader needs
Introducing this way of working for your team can build their skills and empower them. In a world where flexibility and agility are needed, investing time to encourage these behaviours will improve how people work together. Ultimately it can transform how a team or organisation performs and what they deliver.
If you’re interested in learning how to do this, contact me for a Discovery Call or sign up here. The feedback of one participant about the programme was that “ It equips you with the skills to bring about a breadth of thinking in you and your team – skills that create an environment for new ideas, problem solving and innovation”.
If you want to experience how simple changes can unlock creative and courageous thinking, and if you’d value some time to think courageously for yourself, talk to me.
